Bad poetry

She hates too much.

She hates school

She hates the smell of dingy gas station restrooms and bleach to cover the blood

She hates and hates but never forgets to love her dog her brother her mother her father

But she hates too much and loves too little that she loses herself in it

She forgets to love herself

She forgets that hate consumes like fire, eating everything in its path

She forgets that to love yourself you have to let that hate fade

But she doesn’t

She doesn’t love anymore doesn’t hate any less

She lives a life of hatred for herself

To the smell of dingy gas stations and bleach

To school

To hate

~~~

She sits in a room surrounded by people in a disguise

She Laughs at jokes even though they are about her

Laughs at comments about what they would do to her body

Laughs with him and her as they tear away her clothing

Laughs as they pick her apart detail by detail hair by hair color by color

She laughs until her head is sore

until the blood runs down her from between her legs

Until she is home

Then the laughter fades out only to be filled by her silence

Until the next time, then she’ll laugh again.

~~~

I talk and write like I have felt all-consuming love, that takes over everything you do, but I haven’t.

I have books and movies to tell me the feeling, hoping for one day it will come to me

But just because I haven’t been in love doesn’t mean I don't know what heartbreak feels like.

~~~

I tried

You didn’t

I don’t blame myself but you

I tried

You ignored

They get what I had

I tried

You were quiet

My fears came true

I tried

But you didn’t

So it doesn't matter